Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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