WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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