'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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