Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
