If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.