Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.