My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?