no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...