Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So much rum. So many feels.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.