I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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