Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
