So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?