It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you