My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill