I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU