Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
