We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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