What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
