yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.