no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.