I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea