its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.