Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail