Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!