I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened