Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
