genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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