her vagine was all disorganized.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
