im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.