Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.