There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.