My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Randomize
