i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard