My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
