I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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