hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
