there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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