It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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