Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that