We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16