It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.