Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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