I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
