At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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