Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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