Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.