you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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