is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.