You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.