How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i drank out of a bidet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.