just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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