Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are my feet made of real feet?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize