I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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