his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
