but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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