Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!