I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.