He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?