Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.