Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.