I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
