I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
