we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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