dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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