Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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