um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
