Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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