yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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