I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
