shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
its liver damage thursday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
