1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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