DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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