I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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