the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
