I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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