Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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