either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
