Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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